You Are Not Allowed to Ignore Me

You sparked a shiver in my heart that demanded to be felt

 

You infected her with your kind words,

Your contagious laugh,

Your inimitable view of the world

 

She was entranced

So she timed her beat to syncopate up with yours.

 

And relentlessly she begged me, so I poured time and affection into you

As if you were a flower, fighting for the sun

 

I wanted to experience your beauty

I wanted to inspire your beauty

I wanted to live up to your beauty

 

So no, you are not allowed to ignore me

Now that you are in full, astonishing bloom

 

You are not allowed to ignore me

Now that I have withered from the drought of pouring all my love into you

 

You are not allowed to ignore me

After my heart had to relearn to beat at her own pace

 

You are not allowed to ignore me

When you made it impossible for me to notice anything but you.

 

s.f.b

Today I Will Start to Heal

Today, I will start to heal.

Today, I will turn my face towards the sun and embrace its warmth, bright and burning with passion

Today, I will still think of you, your soft lips and your wicked arms

That entangled me, holding me hostage in your care

 

But today, I will not cry.

I will not succumb to the wretched jolts in my stomach, those that climax into sobs

I will not dream of your body in pinky-white hues

 

No.

Today, I will start to heal.

Today, I will think of you in simple black and white

Just as you were my everything and nothing all at once

Today, I will honor the wretched jolts in my stomach, those that climaxed into sobs

The sobs that you tempted

Today, I will remember the times I set myself on fire just so you could feel warm

Or the times I contorted myself into knots so that I could fit into your pocket,

Diminishing my magnitude to be at your slight, beautiful size.

 

Today, I will remember the darkness that poisoned my spirit

That dark cloud of smoke you drove into my being, greedily engulfing and shielding my light

 

Today, I will start to heal.

Today, I am generating my own warmth.

Today, I am the sun. I am whole and I am bright and I am burning with passion.
Today, I am the center of my own universe.

 

Tomorrow, I will continue to heal.